2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
