Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
