you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
