i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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