UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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