just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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