so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
