You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
