Just fell off a train. Bad.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
