Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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