I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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