I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
