no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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