Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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