It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You took a bar mat shot.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
