it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
