I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A bitchslap is in order.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
