haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
