i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
