Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
