I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
