I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Terrible idea I love it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
