I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
