I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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