go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
