We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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