I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
