this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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