That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
