I have demons in me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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