**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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