hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
