I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
