wrigley field is MILF paradise
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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