so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
