I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
