the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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