Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
