All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish you could order shots online.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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