Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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