I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
