Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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