if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
