Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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