Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
