White coat. Heels.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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