I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
