She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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