he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
