the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
