Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
