He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
