Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
