I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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